My questions for thought today are
What is one quality about your parent(s) that you really loved?
What is one quality about your parent(s) that you really do not like?
I would seek forgiveness, if this were a confessional, for not keeping up with my intentions. It has been nearly 3 weeks since my last blog. I have read some blogs by other people. I have no idea whether that was helpful or not.
It strikes me that lots of people out there are offering ‘the solution’ to getting life under control. There are a lot of blogs with a ‘top 50’ tip list.
Who are these people though who write blogs?. Anyone can write a blog. I can write a blog.
I know a few social workers who gave us advice when we first started foster care. They gave their advice on a professional basis, they studied, they followed legislation, but freely admitted that they couldn’t do foster care. I know a few people who have had children. They are the experts in their kids but irrelevant when it comes to understanding abused kids. Other foster carers come close, but every case is different and causes similar damage but in a unique way.
If you have had mental illness or are a therapist I guess its the same as with foster care. You can advise or offer understanding from your perspective but how do I know if it is good advice for me. Does it have to ‘feel right’ or match what ‘other people’ say. I have no idea.
Some people say ditch the Citalopram and go for the herbal 5-htc , no wait, that’s a phone, I mean 5-htp. other people say do both, others say don’t do both because it’s too dangerous. Other people say ok if a doctor agrees, or just stay on Citalopram but ‘up the dose’ or ‘reduce the dose’.
No one has a real clue, or if they do then there is so much conflict in the advice that I don’t know how I am supposed to work out who is right or what could be right for me.
Do you lay a baby to sleep on its front or back? The answer to that changed with each of our children. Dont leave a baby out in the cold, or put it outside for an hour in its pram, sun or snow. Who is right How can I know. I don’t know, I have no idea.
Once upon a time homosexuals were ‘wrong’ or mentally ill. Now they are not, according to legislation and society in general in the west. But some people still say they are.
I know that what I was taught and what I now think are different in so many ways but how did that come about, how did I decide? How did other people decide to believe or think differently. I know what we did with the kids in putting them to sleep, but how did we decide? Did we just follow fashion blindly or was it informed research.
I could go on about religion. Infant baptism, confirmation, transubstantiation, Islam, Christianity, Hinduism etc…. They can’t all be right or all wrong either. But how do I know. You may ‘know’ what you think is for you. You may think you ‘know’ what is best for me. But I have no idea.
So back to the questions.
I liked the fact that my parents gave me a secure background where life was certain and I knew what to do as a child and what was expected of me. They did their best to prepare me for adulthood.
What do I dislike most? The same things obviously.
Because life is most certainly not certain. Shit and crap happens to good and bad people. Good things happen to those that in no way deserve it. I no longer know what is expected of me because society is changing faster than I can cope with the change.
People speed, steal, lie, get drunk, cheat on their wives, take drugs and watch porn at work. To others this is a laugh, it’s normal for them, its acceptable, they brag and boast about what they have been up to at the weekend and I’m wrong for thinking they are wrong. But they don’t smoke or drink drive like everybody used to when I was young. I was wrong then too, apparently.
My parents did not prepare me for social change, because it was unthinkable. I did blame them until this last week or two for not preparing me, for making me old fashioned, but not any longer.
How on earth can I teach my children, when all knowledge seems no longer to be true. When what I was taught is wrong now. When the Internet is written by anyone, and trolls deliberately give false information. How can I help them to cope with their awful past when the future is so clearly uncertain and I can’t cope with it either. Why do I try to give them a value system and make them eat at the table and go to bed by 9:00. I think it’s the best thing for them, but time will tell.
I have no idea really, but it strikes me that I need to think for myself, use my brain to some degree and not take other people’s ideas too seriously. I need to not worry or stress about the uncertainty because no one knows.
I read a free book last week on my kindle. But it now seems to cost money. Its worth it.
It was very helpful and I am now pleased to call myself one of the ‘General Stupid’ people. I don’t have to sort out the worlds problems or feel guilty about not knowing anything for sure any more, and neither do you, we are not responsible for finding the answer. I can leave it to the ‘experts’ who ever they think they are with their weltanschauung.
Now that does seem to be good advice.